Not Wanting to be Outdone by Airbus, Boeing Retires Entire Fleet

On February 14th, Airbus announced it was retiring the A-380, the largest passenger jet in history. It was a surprise move that caught everyone, especially other airlines, off-guard.

We spoke to the CEO of Boeing earlier today to get his reaction and were surprised by his extreme response to Airbus’ announcement. “This is a competitive business and we will not be beat by our competitors,” he said. “We didn’t get to where we are by losing out to the other airlines. When we heard they retired the 380, I made the call to retire every last one of our aircraft. If I see so much as a Steerman departing an airport in this country, I will have someone’s ass!”

He then dove into a rant, his demeanor intensifying with every word. “The B-1, B-17, Air Force One – all grounded! The B-52… hell, if I even hear a song by the B-52’s I’m throwing a random guy out of a window! Now that we are back on top, I have only one thing to say: YOUR MOVE AIRBUS!”

Upon hearing about Boeing retiring, well, everything, pilots scrambled to be the first to post on social media: “If it’s Boeing, you’re not going.”

Meanwhile, ticket holding passengers at airports around the world were all pretty much quoted as saying, “What the f*ck?” as their flights were cancelled.

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