NTSB Finds Runway Behind You, Sky Above You, and Fuel on the Ground, Valuable

In a unanimous ruling today, the NTSB overturned their original 1983 decision, now declaring that the runway behind you, sky above you, and fuel on the ground do, in fact, have great value.

The published ruling stated, “They have a lot of value. Maybe not to you, Kyle, but to other pilots behind you that still need to use them.”

The NTSB asked that pilots stop being so self-centered as to think, “If it’s not with me, then it is worthless”. They refer to this type of thinking as the “shallow view”. Yes, you are super important, but there are more important pilots at the fuel tanks, flying over you, and taking off from the Active you just departed on.

The NTSB and FAA put out a joint public statement to pilots stating: “Stop being self-important dicks”.

These agencies did some simulations and put together a few low level analogies so pilots can understand.

Let’s say you fill your plane with fuel and, as you pull away, they set the tanks ablaze. The impact this sort of activity would have on fuel prices would be devastating to the aviation community. Plus, you essentially become an accomplice to Arson.

Then you take off and they bulldoze the runway (aka,”Meigs it”).

(Usage of capital letters is the government trying to be Alpha and assert its dominance. Historically, they’d hump your leg, but with the ongoing shutdown the use of caps to imply leg humping saves money.)

Finally, you really believe the sky above you has no importance?
Well, it sure seemed important when you were trying to clear the 50 foot obstacles that the FAA put at the departure end of every runway in all of their test questions.

They went on to explain that you, as a pilot, may takeoff and lose your engine, crashing back down into the airport from wherst you departed.
Assuming you survive, you may need to use the fuel on the ground for heat while you wait for help.

If you need to spell HELP or S.O.S to signal other aircraft, where do you think those aircraft are?
That’s right, in the sky above you!

When they see your signal, where do you think they going to land?
That’s right, on the runway behind you!

In closing, the NTSB said, “Ugh, your dumb, overused, aviation sayings are so trite and tired. Bunch of unoriginal sheep.”