Phoenix, Arizona – Deeply disturbed simpleton, Alan Philips, stated Thursday that he is unimpressed by his friend who is a pilot.
“I just don’t understand why he has to go on and on about it,” Philips said. “No one cares. Truly, we don’t.”
Philips, a pencil pusher at a company that sells ink cartridges and who is obviously feeling inferior to his friend, said, “Like, seriously, could he be any more annoying about it?”
When asked how he could possibly be so unimpressed with something so great, Philips responded, “My friend thinks I’m jealous, but the honest truth is – I simply just don’t care. I mean, it’s all he talks about. When we go out to bars together, he thinks he’s the shit. He will actually wear a bomber jacket with all these stupid patches on it and – not even kidding here – aviator glasses! He looks ridiculous. The fact that he’s a pilot is his lead line with all the chicks and, guess what, they don’t care either.”
Aviation Daily was very troubled by this obvious psychopath and decided to promptly end the interview for our safety. We will not be following up on this breaking story.