Conspiracy Theorists will soon be able to breathe easier, literally, with a planned strike of Chemtrail pilots slated for later this week. After a series of horrifying medical incidents, pilots who spray poisonous chemicals during their cover ops as airline pilots are demanding a significant pay raise in order to continue quietly performing their duties.

In one incident, a pilot’s child was born with six legs and a third eye on the side of its head. Later that month, a second pilot noticed gills developing in the folds of his neck and stated that he was starting to have difficulty breathing regular air. He drowned a week later attempting to breathe underwater.

The final straw came earlier this month when three pilots awoke to the screams of their significant others. The skin of the pilots had turned bright green overnight and their bodies were radiating an orange glow.

Chemtrail pilot inspecting chemical tanks secretly stored on Delta flight 329 to Seattle
Military Chemtrail crew conducting mind control experiment from 30,000 ft

“We are willing to continue working with these health risks,” said one Chemtrail Pilot. “But we want appropriate compensation, especially given how high our medical bills are soaring.”

According to the Union, due to conflicts with the FDA, they are unable to pay what the pilots are demanding at this time.

“FDA regulations are causing the acquisition of these chemicals to cost far more than they should,” said a Union representative. “We are working hard with the President to get those regulations waved for our industry so that we can increase pilot pay. We understand their concerns, especially that one guy whose leg fell off while on a jog, but we are urging pilots not to strike and to continue spraying the masses while we get this matter resolved.”

Early model chemical selector in cockpit
Patch that is sewn into undergarments of Chemtrail Pilots to make their secret identification with each other easier.

The planned strike is set to begin later this month.

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