I’d gone down to the ramp to meet my buddy Erik to congratulate him on passing his private pilot check ride.

“Hey man!” I exclaimed. “Congratulations! You got your license to…”

Everything went black and I could feel a cold sensation on my face. It was the concrete where I had fallen. I tasted blood. Turns out my lip was split open. Erik had apparently punched me.

As I lay on the ground, I could hear more people getting punched in the FBO. Erik’s whole family had come down to congratulate him. They even brought a big “LICENSE TO LEARN” banner with them. He was in there just punching everyone in the face – his mom, the fuel guy, his 8 year old little sister.

It was like a scene from that movie… actually, come to think of it, I’m not sure there are any movies where a guy throat punches his grandma and punches his dad in the ass.

I managed to stand up and walk into the FBO. There, I found an assortment of people all doubled over, groaning. His dad was on the ground yelling, “My Ass! My Ass! Why did you punch me in the ass, you idiot?!”

I thought Erik had left, but he hadn’t. I asked his mom if she happened to have said, “license to learn,” to Erik. Everything went black again. Erik had hit me in the face with the FBO coffee pot. There was glass everywhere, but, man, it smelled great… I wonder what brand they use.

As I lay there on the floor bleeding, burning, and taking it all in, I remembered something and fear shot through me. I was so f*cked. Erik was yelling, “Eff all of you! I’m going home!”, and all I could think about was the significant amount of “License to Learn” labelled merchandise – a shirt, coffee mug, keychain, etc. – I had shipped to his house from Amazon.

I turned my head away just in time to see Erik’s dad with his pants around his ankles asking his mom if she could see a red mark on his ass where Erik had punched him.

“License to learn” is a dumb expression and over used, but, come on, it was a jerk move for Erick to take it that far.

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