WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has more dicks than they know what to do with. The success of the ADS-B mandate on January 2, 2020 has enabled pilots to use new technology for an old pastime; drawing the vaunted sky dick and sending it directly to the Internet and the public is not happy. For background see this story we published in 2019: Air Force Has Bigger Sky Dick Than Navy
Complaints about this new form of virtual sky pornography has inundated many local FAA offices with printouts of the offending workmanship piled so high that many employees are concerned about productivity. According to one female FAA employee who spoke on the condition of anonymity,
“Everywhere I look in the building all I see are dicks which is making it hard to focus on work. The caseload of complaints has gotten so bad that people are standing by the printers yanking their alleged dicks right off the tray so as not to get them mixed up with anyone else’s.
The biggest challenge we face is the initial complaint intake and deciding if the pilot’s flight path is actually a penis or just poor airmanship. We have a weekly all-staff meeting to review the pictures and vote on what we are really seeing. You have to consider if the ratio of girth to length is pleasing and if it has a well defined head like a mushroom or it’s just a 180° procedure turn; are those balls or was the pilot circling to land in an egg shape?”
This is a developing story and will be updated as new information becomes available.