Facebook Purchases the NTSB. Crash Investigations Completed in Minutes Now.

In Your Facebook NTSB!!!

Historically, it has taken the NTSB 12 – 18 months to release the cause of an aircraft incident to the public. They have always done a very thorough job and given very detailed information as to the cause of an incident, but much like tracking down a knowledgeable employee to help you at the Home Depot, they just aren’t fast enough for this generations’ short attention spans.

The NTSB has decided to step down as the primary investigator of airplane crashes. Now, upon going to the NTSB website, visitors will be redirected to Facebook. The users will primarily be sent to aviation groups like “The Aviators Lounge” or “Pilot Social Network”.

The NTSB was quoted as saying, “We just aren’t as fast as these social media groups. We believe it is because we spend 1000s of man hours looking into many aspects of a crash, including scrutinizing flight data recorders, cockpit voice recorders, weather, pilot history and more.”

“We have been spending our energy on all of this analysis when what we need to be doing is just asking 100 hour pilots on Facebook what brought her down.”

“We spent days digging through a mud puddle in Houston looking for the black box when Facebook had already decided, ‘Dude it’s totally a suicide,” or possibly, ‘Wind shear! No question. I have heard that word a lot so its gotta be wind shear’.

“Recently, the 737 Max suffered 2 incidents. We stopped looking into both once we saw Facebook, where people decided – It’s totally the MACS system, or, The pilot wasn’t trained, or It is culture thing, or Boeing bought Foreflight and now their planes are crashing.”

“We’re just not able to get the answers as fast these online experts, so we are turning it over to them.

2 Replies to “Facebook Purchases the NTSB. Crash Investigations Completed in Minutes Now.

  1. They want to solicit advice from 100-hour pilots? Why??? WHAT A LUDICROUS MISTAKE!!!

    That is utterly ridiculous. 100-hour pilots do not have the experience or mental capacity to judge others’ crashes, mistakes, mishaps or eff-ups. They are vested in the industry. And some of them even know what they’re talking about. We cannot have that.

    The NTSB needs to defer to the vast and wise crowd of flight-sim users. Those kids would be perfect for crash investigations because they do not take sh*t from anybody. They aren’t real pilots so they aren’t burdened with all the extra knowledge of weather, systems, physics of flight, regulations etc. They can provide answers much faster and make them up with ease.
    However, the NTSB needs to treat flight-sim users properly. X-plane users need to be taken very seriously (and then laughed at behind their back). FSX users need to be ridiculed as old geezers and P3D simmers should be ignored as the rich kids they are. So all-in-all, the sim crowd should be really treated properly with undue respect and some downright derision and well-deserved mockery. They’ve earned it.

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