In an effort to be more like other respectable news sites, we have decided to start a weekly (maybe monthly if we get lazy) Letters to the Editor. Below is a light dusting of letters we have received over the last couple of weeks highlighting our outstanding journalistic impact on the aviation community. Enjoy!
Cease and Desist
My name is Anthony Gordon, Esq. I am contacting you on behalf of one of my clients about a recent article you published titled EAA Cancels 2019 AirVenture Due to Ongoing Canadian Border Crisis. Please contact my law office at XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Anthony Gordon, Esq, Attorney at Law, Madison, Wisconsin
ADN Automatic Responder:
We are sorry, but this number has been disconnected and is no longer in service. For all legal inquiries, please contact C Harrison, Chad (RIP) or Dave. Fuck you, Dave.
You guys are hilarious! Thank you for spreading laughter in the aviation community. So many pilots have sticks shoved so far up their asses, they wouldn’t know a joke from a hemorrhoid. Keep it up.
Sam Smith, Seaplane Pilot, Shreveport, Louisiana
Finally, a way to contact the jackasses at Aviation Daily News. You are sending out news articles that look official – they are HOAXES. I know you are trying to be funny, but no.
Erica Armsweak A REAL Writer, none of your business where I live
My wife won’t fly with me. She says she is scared of flying, but I overheard her on the phone with her friend saying, “If you’ve ever seen him drive, you’d know why I won’t go up with him!” How do I get my wife to see that I’m a much safer pilot than I am driver? I haven’t gotten any tickets and only have one runway incursion so far (I have about 83 hours).
Alfred Frankhouser, Private Pilot, Topeka, Kansas
Cirrus aircraft are made for pilots just like you. You don’t need much in the way of skill beyond being able to turn the key to fire it up. The planes have parachutes installed so it’s hard to fuck up. As for your wife – this is a satire news site, not a relationship column. If she is hot, send her our way. Otherwise, maybe call Anthony Gordon, Esq.
You Got Me
Did you wonder whether anyone would be naive enough to call a regional airline about the right seat pilot program? Well, you got me! You also got me with the instrument drone pilot rating and when you said the FAA was looking for beer drinkers. Oh, and apparently “inbound with pterodactyl” isn’t actually a thing. One of these days you guys are going to publish something legit and, knowing my luck, that will be the day I will have finally learned better.
I’m not sure why you guys think otherwise, but this site is stupid and you aren’t funny.
Bite Me, Johnson City, Tennessee
Figures you live in a place called johnson city. You kiss your sister with that mouth?
Pilots n’ Claws
It’s been brought to our attention that you recently published an article announcing that my organization, PETA, has started a new pilot program for rabid and wild animals. While we know and respect that you are a satire news site, we absolutely do not think it’s OK to make light of such a serious issue as animal safety. Those “rabid, wild” animals you laugh at are actually living, breathing creatures and they have feelings too. Please think first, joke later. Thank you.
Joseph Nims, PETA, Norfolk, Virginia
I had a good laugh at your recent article, Chicago Meigs Field to Reopen in 2020. I know some people were mad and said it wasn’t funny to joke about it, but get this – as it turns out there really is talk about Meigs Field reopening! A legitimate, non-satirical article came out right after yours announcing this possibility. The best part was that as people were sharing the real article, all of the folks who had read yours were screaming FAKE NEWS. Good stuff. Maybe you should switch gears and start a psychic reading site!
Monica Addison, Airline Pilot, Chicago, Illinois
I’m a moderator for a Facebook page for Private Pilots. I delete every post from your website and will continue to do so. Stop sharing them on our page and stop having your friends share them on our page.
Unnamed, Lame Facebook Page Moderator, Unknown location
Thanks for the support!
Thanks for the positive feedback, everyone! We will continue striving for excellence. Til next time…. cheers.