Airport runways are underwater from flooding in Nebraska, forcing pilots to get seaplane ratings if they want to fly from the flooded airports.

NEW ORLEANS, NE – Desperate for food and air time, pilots throughout the little known state of Nebraska are flocking to nearby flight schools for seaplane ratings. Nebraska, home to roughly 20,000 people and 3 million cows, is almost entirely underwater right now due to massive flooding and being really, really flat.

“My family needs milk, bread, beer, KY… the essentials,” said Sam Emerson, a SEL private pilot out of Omaha. “The canoe just doesn’t fit everything. Plus, I really miss flying.”

According to a map, Nebraska is one of those boxy-looking states in the midwest, but is actually more east than we thought. Or maybe we were confusing it with Nevada.

Apparently residents of the state are also confused about where they live, as sources report that they have been seen eating fried crawfish po’boys and shouting phrases like Who Dat! as they paddle around the streets.

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