We had been visiting the FAA headquarters in Oklahoma City, OK covering a story on the recent emotional support children scam, where kids have been flying free under the guise that the parents needed them for comfort, when we overheard a man exclaim, “You’ll never get me on one of those flying death traps!”
Turns out it was none other than William P. MacCracken, Jr. the Director of the FAA.
He stated: “Some people think a fear of flying is irrational. Have you seen what happens when one of those things comes apart in the sky or the mess it makes when it hits the ground? I mean stuff just goes everywhere!”
Being a pilot myself, I asked a common question. “Do you know what the most dangerous part of the trip is?”
He interrupted, “Hell Yes! It’s when the wings go flying off in different directions!”
“Actually, it’s the drive to the airport” I offered.
“NO! Half these planes were built in the 70s when everyone was on Quaaludes and smokin reefer to get through the day. I used to walk through the aircraft factories and it was a bunch of hippies just riveting themselves to the floor and dry humping in the wheel wells. No thank you sir! I am not getting in one of these.
If God wanted man to fly, he would have given him wings. And, even if he did, I doubt I’d wanna fly today knowing odds are I’d get plowed in the ass by one of these crazy, hippy tubes full of over-sized, white-collar drunks that don’t know their grandparent’s DNA is spewed all over the wheel wells.”
“It’s the safest form of travel” I challenged.
“Sure it is! If by travel, you mean die! The passengers are drunk. The pilots are drunk. The mechanics are drunk. F*ck it! I’m getting drunk!”
He stormed out of our interview and walked outside. We tried to catch up with him but our interview equipment was too heavy and we were unable to catch him. Last I saw, he was out in a field smoking a cigarette and flipping of any airplanes that flew overhead.