Boston, MA – After seeing news reports of an enraged man clinging to the hood of the car of another enraged man at speeds up to 70 mph down the Mass Pike near Boston on Friday, the NTSB concluded its investigation into the cause of all of the world’s problems.
“Human error,” said John Falt, NTSB spokesman.
We asked Falt, who appeared very disheveled – shaking and occasionally mumbling gibberish to himself, if they were certain in their conclusion. He quickly cut us off with some kind of wild hand wave.
“Yes, yes, yes. Look, we’ve watched every viral video out there, we’ve seen every crazy news reel. Man, we’ve seen some shit! Every single bad thing in the world – human error. Human Error. Human Error. Human Error.”
Falt, after taking an absurdly long swig from his flask, then got out his phone to show us what he called “all the proof you’ll need.”
We spent the next 5 minutes watching something so disturbing, so… there’s not even a word for it… that we are certain the course of our lives has forever been changed.
“Holy shit, that’s real?” we asked, wishing there was a way to unsee whatever the hell that was.
“Yeah, man. You want some of this?” he said, offering us his flask.
We apologize, but Aviation Daily News is going to be taking a little leave of absence for our mental health. We are unsure when, or if, we will return.
God help us all.
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