U.S. Air-force to Start Manned Drone Program

The United States air force announced a new program whereby they would begin testing manned drones for use in military applications. The belief is that having humans at the helm will increase the likelihood of success in all the wars we are currently in with all of the countries we are fighting.

This new program came about when Mike Jacobs, a programmer at the U.S. Airforce did a code review on the software running the drones and noticed the developers did not program a will to live into the drone when developing the code.

“Its right here in the damned programming specification!” he pointed out to the development team.

We at Aviation Daily were provided an excerpt from the development specification and there appeared to be time and resources allocated for this programming:

A lot of simulated human emotions were left out by the development team including

  • Concern for raising a child in this new era.
  • The stress of living paycheck to paycheck.
  • That falling sensation you sometimes get when you are almost asleep.
  • Restless leg syndrome.
  • Fear of spiders.

It is not known at this time why so many required functions were excluded form the drone programming but without these basic functions, an aircraft is just a bunch of parts that doesn’t care if anyone pats it on the back when it gets home. The result is the drones just circle aimlessly in a lobotomized state without a care in the world.

We asked Jacobs what options were on the table and he simply stated “We needed to get the programming in place or get some damned humans in the planes! We need something up there that’s afraid to die dammit! At the end of the day its faster to shove a scared, trembling man into one of these death traps then to try to program it to worry if it left the damned iron on back at the house!”